8- Host Family Gifts

I kept thinking I want something that says “America,” but not “AMERICA!” It’s really hard to find gifts, which will ingratiate you into another culture at a CVS. I already had a couple of copies of my mom’s books, and a video of my family attempting to speak Shqip*, and I forgot a blanket that I was planning to bring them. Needless to say I needed to show some American gratitude for letting me sleep in their house, and eat their food, while I butcher their language, and take pictures of their stuff**.


I searched through the aisles of the CVS for some food that was particularly American, while not being sold anywhere else. This was difficult, because I’m pretty sure they have M&M’s in The Sudan. I went with Mike and Ikes. They’re sufficiently delicious, while also containing the name of a former president. Perfect. I also bought a package of pizza flavored Combos. I believe that Combos elucidate two undeniable facts about the American condition:

1: We are constantly trying to deliver the concept of “pizza” via more efficient media. It is as if pizza is far too difficult to transport and consume on it’s own. See Pizza Bagels for a perfect example of this phenomena.

2. Pretzels can be wrapped around any foodstuff to make it more enjoyable.

I also picked up a tube of Burt’s Bees lip-gloss and some coco butter*** for the lady of the house. I was not told who would be in my host family, so I thought that I should be prepared for small children.

Buying gifts for theoretical children is difficult. First of all, I couldn’t assume age or gender. To this end, I had to find a gender-neutral child's toy that would not make noise, be used as a weapon, or be construed as a cultural insult. I thought briefly about silly putty, but I had a short nightmare about trying to break through the language barrier, while waving my arms, and yelling in slow, broken English, NO FOOD! DON’T EAT! IT’S TOY! TO PLAY! HOSPITAL! That would be a bad first impression. Several head scratching minutes later, I decided on a stuffed bunny. It was quiet, packable, unable to be swallowed, or taken as an act of war… perfect.

I checked out of the CVS. My bags couldn’t get any heavier.


*The Albanian language. It’s half way between the word “sheep” and “ship.” Fun Fact: Shqip forms it’s own branch of the Indo-European language tree, and bears little resemblance to other languages as it is about as old as Ancient Greek. Translation: not many people speak it. Upon my return I will find a restaurant in which someone speaks Shqip, and take all first dates there, where I will casually rattle off some Shqip. Then, with an air of cool detachment say, “Oh that? Yeah, I speak Shqip. It forms it's own branch of the Indo-European Language…” I would finish the thought, but my imaginary date is already totally making out with me… Like toooootally making out with me.

**Only the stuff that looks super Albanian.

*** I was informed later by my friend Lauren, and literally all of the other female Peace Corps Trainees that coco butter is used for stretch marks, post pregnancy. I thought it just smelled like Coconuts.